Let me eat cake

GO AWAY AFTERSHOCKS.

Seriously. It’s over. We done. I never liked you. The more I get to know you the less I like you.

Wow.

That Earthquake was friggen scary. Woke up to a rumbling that sounded like a brawl between two suburbs. Not people from suburbs brawling. But suburbs getting up, dusting a few houses off then getting angry on their neighbours. Utilising the skills I’ve learnt from growing up in an earthquake prone zone and pulled my duvets up to my mouth and watched for the windows to explode. (I passed Idiot 101). Fortunately nothing exploded. After a couple of minutes shaking backwards and forwards while a giant baby shook my house like a toy I lay there thinking about things. I was alive. This was a Good Thing. It was also dark and I was sleepy. However thought best to check that I still had a lounge. Success. I still had a lounge. But in my kitchen there were a couple of cans of beans that had attempted to take the earthquake as a chance for freedom. They did not escape.

But my jar of gherkins did not survive and two gherkins perished on the floor.

Which reinforced that I had completely over-reacted. Earthquake smirthquake. Those sirens I could hear were just for over-reactors and heart attacks.

Actually: No.

Down town seems to resemble a war zone. Brick seems to be a popular material. And now: a material that is very close to tar seal and cars.

Chimneys: Ah, I remember chimneys. They used to be upright. Now: not upright.

Walls: Who needs walls? Why use 4 when you can get away with 3?

We’re really very lucky that this happened at 4.35am. If this had happened at 4.35pm then there would have been numerous fatalities.

Thanks also to earthquake safety standards. They saved lives today.

Most people don’t have power or water. Nic’s Emergency Planning skills have rubbed off and I’ve got food and water to survive a while (thanks man). Also power! And Internet!

It’s moments like these I’m aware I work in insurance claims.

Edit: Some stats I pulled from teh interweb. If accurate – incredible.

Magnitude:
Port au Prince -7
Christchurch – 7.1

Depth:
Port au Prince: 10km
Christchurch: 10km

Distance from epicentre:
Port au Prince – 25km
Christchurch – 33km

Death toll:
Port au Prince – 230,000
Christchurch – 0

Thanks building standards!

Ben and I were in the line to play the roles of Shackleton or part of his merry band of intrepid polar explorers on a National Geographic documentary about his hidden stash of whiskey.

It was almost the perfect gig. Polar Explorers. International Documentary. Whiskey.

Sadly, there appear to be other bearded actors who will work for free… but on a weekday.

We have, in other words, the Anti-Ben and Anti-Dave.

They got the gig. The Bastards.

They may win this battle. But we will win the war. Oh yes. The battle has only just begun.

Technically, I’m not a cowboy. I don’t ride a horse. I don’t go that close to cows. I’ve never called anyone a punk.

But I do have Red Dead Redemption which is officially awesome. And makes me a cowboy. It’s so immersive I’ve found myself walking from Point A to Gunfight B because I wanted to soak up the atmosphere, landscape and enjoy things. Besides, if I was a cowboy I wouldn’t run to somewhere. I’d slowly meander reflecting on the meaningless brutality of frontier violence and the start beauty of the desolate landscape. Probably not in those terms. And I’d be riding a horse. And probably dragging someone behind the horse by means of lasso. But that would be for poetic reasons and not solely for violence. Interestingly I’ve discovered the game won’t let you sleep with hookers, but will let you drag someone up and down the main street of a town until they bleed to death. Morality is Interesting.

On my newly instigated (and just invented) food-group based rating system I’m going to give it: Really Good BP Pie That You Crave All Night After Drinking With Good Mates.

In other news: We made another 48hours film. People seemed to like it. This is good. Including the good people at io9.com – who have linked it on their site. Woot. Dan Allan’s face there for the whole world to see.

Alternatively: check it out here:

No Paul X Willis this time I’m afraid. Next year. Bigger.Faster.More shine.

Friday nights have always been good nights. Often due to beer (for centuries the traditional means of welcoming and obliterating the weekend). Always for the fact it’s no longer the working week.

Today I was sitting on Ben’s floor watching him blow raspberries on the feet of his not-quite-but-very-very-nearly-crawling son. And I realised that things have changed. For those that have been desperately clicking refresh on his blog for the last… year Karen did finish giving birth. And now there is Karen and Ben progeny doing things like rocking out to music (if I can teach him nothing else I’ll teach him to throw out the horns when rocking out to the Wiggles). And pulling my hair. I figure it’s best he enjoy it while he can.

And there are other babies. Caygill baby. Young baby. Clark baby.

This isn’t Bentleys on a Friday anymore. No sir.

Well done to all the parents involved. Also good work to Dan, who appears to be engaged.

Also – we are applying to have funding for a feature film. Take that everyone who left Christchurch. Boom!

PETER JACKSON AND GUILLERMO DEL TORO COLLABORATE ON KIWI FILMS

Press Release
June 4th, 2009

Peter Jackson and Guillermo Del Toro spent valuable time away from The Hobbit to collaborate in selecting three wildcard films for the seventh annual ’V’ Energy 48HOURS Furious Filmmakingcompetition that had 700 filmmaking teams competing for a $100,000 prize pool. From the 700 shorts that screened nationwide, the six City Winners now go on to compete against Jackson’s and Del Toro’s three Wildcard picks on C4 Television.

In an exciting new development (thanks NZONAIR & C4), thirty of the best shorts will screen every week night on C4, starting Monday June 8th and culminating in the Grand Final on June 20th at 9pm.

The first wildcard selected by the duo is by The Downlow Concept with their short IT’S LIKE BEING BACK IN PRIMARY SCHOOL, a tale of floods, feces and mature love. This years Auckland Runner Ups will be hoping history repeats as they look to win their second Grand Championship after previously winning in 2006 for their film BROWN PERIL; THE TIM PORCH STORY.

The second wildcard is Team IdiotVision’s short THE REVENGER. Long time fan favourites, this team returns to form with a hilarious take on home consumer revenge kits.

The final wildcard team Goodfellas were also one of last years Grand Finalists. This year they are back with the nail-biting horror pic FANATICS about a Crusaders supporter from hell.

A judging panel will then decide just who will be crowned Grand Champion for 2009. This years judges include home town heroes Taika Waititi, Cliff Curtis, Karl Urban and twenty international Judges.

Joining the three wildcards are the six city winners listed below.

Natures Baby by Sinistral (Auckland)
A mothers love results in a giant naked dwarf attacking Auckland

Hardwood Floors by Guerilla Monkeys (Hamilton)
A psychedelic tale of parallel worlds and affordable housing

The Amazing World of Sticks by Kaiti Hill (Gisborne, Tairawhiti)
An educational look at crucifixtion

Otack Otack Otack Falls by Killa Walz/Orca (Wellington)
An existential fusion of Shock Corridor and Titticut Follies 

New Fish by TBALC (Christchurch)
Inspired and funny musical spin on prison flicks like Short Eyes

Charlotte by Line Men (Dunedin)
Stunning animation about nosy neighbours and secret parcels

TV Series Every Week Night @ 11pm on C4 – June 8 – June 18
Grand Final June 20th, 9pm C4

48HOURS OFFICIAL WEBSITE 
Hundreds of teams compete. Hundreds of thousands watch.

WRITE. SHOOT. CUT. SURVIVE.

Well. How about that. Fourth time lucky.

TBALC win Christchurch regional final of 48 Hours.

We didn’t even have to rig the voting.

Film now gets shown on the final. Which is on C4.

That’s crazy. And awesome.

Unfortunately I will be in Peru for the final. That’s not really much of a bad thing though. I’ll be in Peru!

Things are remarkably awesome.

Actually that’s a lie.

But these guys are on a boat.

They see quite excited about it.

Oh how I laughed.

Airfares: Purchased.

Trek to Maccu PichuL Booked.

Apprehension: Check.

Frustration at downstairs neighbour’s extremely loud x-box: High.

Stress: everyone needs a hobby.

Tomorrow is day off. Hurray. It’s wonderful when Thursday is actually a Friday and Friday becomes a Saturday. And Saturday becomes some kind of siamese-Saturday.

Ben and Andrew are playing Army of Two. I’ve given up – it’s a patently ridiculous and thoroughly unsatisfying game. Karen is watching, slightly shaking her head I think at the fact the father of her soon to be Baby McAwesome Allan is yelling things like ‘Get more aggro!’ ‘No, not in the face!’ and ‘Oh god, why!’

They’ve given up. Now it’s time for co-op Rainbow 6 Vegas 2. Which sounds more like some kind of football score. Not that Rainbow is a town. It’s either a hippy commune or possibly some form of drug induced hallucination. That’d be a pretty awesome football game, if you think about it.

I’m not surewhat people did before computer games. Talked possibly. Interacted. Discussed things that didn’t involve lines like ‘you got the guy on the right, or the left?’. People probably didn’t say ‘I’m going to be Dennis Glover… or a girl’ very often. Which was actually a line I heard a couple of minutes ago.

I’m pretty sure it killed stamp collecting and spyrographs as hobbies.

The whole concept of updating the blog has gone out the window lately. So… recent news includes realising that the top of my head had a differnt skin-hair ratio than the sides of my head. Traditionally it’s called ‘balding’. I prefer to think of it as ‘testosteroning’. Irrespective I’ve gone for the shave. More corporate chic than skinhead fascist I hope. Although amusing comments have included:

‘Ah, Uncle Fester’ (Damn you, Allan)

”Buddah!’

And my personal favourite:

‘Hello, I’m trying to track down a villain from a James Bond movie… oh there you are!’

But I’m not growing a mo for movember this year. Instead I’m supporting the big man in Melbourne as he struggles without chin hair. Props.

Right… sorry – I have to go shoot some terrorists. The future of your… tomorrow may depend on it. Rainbow: 6. Vegas: 2. Dave: ?

According to maths, I have now been smoke free for 12 weeks.

That’s 84 days.

And probably around 1k cigarettes haven’t been smoked.

Haven’t even had a puff on the sly.

Celebration demands classic 90s song:

I know. it’s like I’ve stepped back in time and I’m doing my thesis. Which, fortunately enough, I’m not doing. Cos that’d be crazy.

Speaking of Crazy, Charlie his finished his Phd. And Tim ran a half-marathon. I cheered. After the event which does limit it’s effectiveness. But it was a cheer nonetheless.

Politics: interesting.

Insurance: Work.

Writing: I got award.

This is terrible procrastination. i’m not even sounding like I’ve got anything to procrastinate over. Which I do. But normally when you’re procrastinating you’ve got something more urgent and awesome to do. Like… I don’t know – coffee. Or planning coffee. Or at least thinking about coffee.

Off the smokes for 9 weeks I think now. Sweet.

Photo time:

My nan died early Monday morning. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. It is a bad thing because I miss her. It is a good thing because she had dementia and Alzheimer’s and wasn’t the nan I knew and loved.

She died with my Mum and My Dad in the room. I’m very happy she did not die alone. Apparently it was a very moving and dignified scene. She would have been proud. Mum was moved at its class. I’m very proud of both Nan and Mum.

Funerals are weird things. I’ve given up on those for people who are my age. there are too many of them. But for people who are old enough they can be wonderful celebrations. I’m certainly enjoying this one. Good way to catch up with family I don’t ordinarily see. And it’s a chance to celebrate a life. It’s a pity we only do that when they’re dead.

I went to say goodbye to Nan this morning. She has lost a lot of wait due to her refusal to eat or drink. In effect she starved herself to death. She was sick of her disease. I admire her courage. And while I didn’t recognise her physically, and her body had an overwhelming sense of strength and relaxation – I was convinced it was her. Even though she didn’t look like her… but at the same time it did. Needless to say at that exact point in time the dust from the room entered my eyes and fluid somehow leaked from them.

I bawled like a baby.

She was my Nan. I loved her beyond words. She’s been gone a long time but now I know she’s gone for good.

If I ever get dementia put me out of your misery. (NB – only medical definitions of dementia can be used… I know your tricks, Mr Street).

The 48 Hour Final has been and gone and I feel a little… whelmed. I don’t think the best film one – and I don’t know what Lens Flare are doing but they seem to get good marks and came in a surprise 2nd.

Could just be jealous. But you know. I’m helping direct Othello so it’s all good.

Anyway – our team was up for an award and the announcer came to say Team TBALC on television (pre-recorded).

Ben turned to me and grinned: How do you think they’ll pronounce this.

Like this – as it turns out: Team Tee Eh Bee EL See.

So it wasn’t really a pronunciation. It was more like a spelling.

We didn’t get the award. But I enjoyed the night.

And now: to bed. Then work. Repeat. *add alcohol and stir*

I used to watch Skins last year on C4. I deemed it good. Then it finished.

Now it’s back on. This is good for 4 reasons:

1) Good cast.

2) Good script.

3) Harry Enfield

4) Bill Bailey.

Watch it. See Harry Enfield play a straight, grumpy father very well. (I half expected him to tell a dirty joke but it never happened. Instead his wife did and he looked furious). And Bill Bailey! Coming here! Soon.

In other news watch C4 on Thursday night a 8.30pm. We’re in the running for a prize and there is an outside slither of a chance we might be a wildcard. But even if we’re not Scott was used on the ad for the finals and I deem that super.

… here be our film.